Forum:"The Random Guy" Biography
This is a biography story that will be featured in a later edition of the Random-ness Wiki's newsletter. Beware, it's too random for its own good!! Chapter 1: This is Random Guy Hello there. Random Guy is a young boy. He lives in a house on Merrycherry lane. There, he has two parents, an older sister, and a younger brother. The sister's name is Pursie. The brother's name is FRANK! Remember that now. Random Guy's alarm clock rang. He grabbed the clock and hurled it out the window. Across the street, an old guy was upset because all his friends at the Senior Citizen's Home had an alarm clock, but he didn't. Random Guy's clock flew in through the old guy's window. "Hey look, a clock! Whoo-hoo! I'm-a rich!", the old guy jumped up and started dancing. Crack! "Oh! Oh, muh back!", he groaned. Chapter 2: This is Random Guy's Family Random Guy went to brush his teeth in the bathroom. When he opened the door, he saw a very disturbing sight. His brother was cleaning the toilet... with Random Guy's toothbrush. "FRANK!", Random Guy yelled. "Glob glob pork chop?", FRANK! asked. Random Guy snatched the toothbrush from his brother's hands! "Why do you have my toothbrush?", Random Guy asked. "Mingle goblin snork flop. Mee mee doo floop rice booky deck", FRANK! replied. Random Guy lived in a town called "Random City, Utah." There, everyone talked nonsense because the evil king forced them too. But Random Guy and his friend didn't. Why, one day they thought they could take down the evil king so everyone could talk normal. But before I tell you that ''story, I must tell you ''this ''story. I bet you are wondering why Random Guy and HIS friend could talk normal but everyone else couldn't. That comes in the ''that ''story I told you about earlier. FRANK! ran out the room as Random Guy drenched the brush in soap and water, desperately trying to clean it. Soon, Pursie woke up and skipped over to the bathroom. "La dee da dee da", she sang. "Huh? Oh hey there Purse", Random Guy greeted. "La dee da do doo da", she said. "Oh you want to use the bathroom?" "La dee do do bee shaa kee ko." "I'd better get out of here before you kick my heinie?" Pursie nodded her head. "Will do." Random Guy rushed out the door, but Pursie was able to kick his heinie anyway. Random Guy fell down the stairs onto the next floor. Mom went up to Random Guy with a plate of American cheese. "CHEESE?!", she offered. Dad came into view and pushed Mom away. He held a bucket of fried chicken. "Fried CHICKEN?!", he offered. "No... CHEESE!", Mom yelled. "No cheese... Fried CHICKEN!", Dad yelled. "CHEESE!" "Fried CHICKEN!" "CHEESE!" "Fried CHICKEN!" "CHEESE!" "Fried CHICKEN!" "CHEESE!" "Fried CHICKEN!" "CHEESE!" "Fried CHICKEN!" "'CHEESE!" "Fried '''CHICKEN!" "CHEESE!" "Fried CHICKEN!" "CHEESE!" "Fried... CHICKEEEEEN!" And so on and so forth. Chapter 3: This is Random Guy's School As Random Guy walked to school, he saw his friend Random Gal. "Hey there, Random Gal!", Random Guy said. "Hey there, Random Guy!", Random Gal said. "Augh! Who DARES speaketh in my town?!", shouted a booming voice. 'Twas the Evil King who was watching the town from a big billboard-screen thingy. "Uh... blobby con so doo koo me ha", Random Guy muttered, trying to cover up his good speech. "Yeah. Glob bloo do see mah kee kee", Random Gal replied. "Hmm. Weirdeth. I could have sworn I heard someone speaketh in my town. Oh welleth", the Evil King announced and left the billboard-screen thingy's screen. "Whew. That was a close one", Random Guy said. "Yeah. I'd hate to think what would happen if he caught US talking normal", Random Gal agreed. So, Random Guy and Random Gal talked normal, but said gibberish when near the Evil King's territory. Other citizens just talked random all the time, so as to limit the risk of being caught. I'm guessing you're wondering why the Evil King made such a law. Well, that's coming later. Soon, Random Guy and Random Gal got to school. They were late though. Once they got to class, they were scolded by their English teacher. "Mmm blarf strawberry gingle heingen phone!", she yelled. "Gee, sorry, Ms. Surek", Random Guy apologized. "Mingin' dingin' speeth pork", the teacher continued. "Oh right. The whole gibberish thing. Well, ming you ta borf shee", Random Guy corrected. The teacher nodded her head and Random Guy & Random Girl took their seats. No one really understood what each other was saying, but they could make it out, judging by the tone of the voice or body language. So the teacher started quoting Shakespear... in Gibberish of course. "Shall muh forsar to a muffer's cawt." Chapter 4: This is Random Guy's Gym Class Random Guy and Random Gal went to gym class. The previous gym teacher had run away from town, and the current gym teacher was a fat blob of a man. Literally, he was like a human-shaped waterbed. If you poked him, your finger would go into... maybe I'm over explaining this. So the gym teacher instructed them to: "Blee ka doo ---" Then he took a deep breath for he was sweating profusely after saying three words. "--- see me dee koo ba ---" He took another deep breath. "And fo... ugh...." The gym teacher collapsed on the spot. The ambulance came and took the gym teacher to the hospital. Class was cancelled. Chapter 5: This is Random Guy's Lunch After the mishap at Gym, the kids had free recess until lunch came. Then lunch came and the kids went inside. Lunch was the worst time of day, for the Evil King watched over everyone eating and scolded them. "Hey you, eateth correctly! Hey you, stop talkingeth and chew! And you large man, no more fattyeth foods or I will have your head!" Random Guy and Random Guy sat at their usual empty table and ate their bagged lunches. "Hey you two, separate-eth from each other! You are-eth too close!", the Evil King scolded. "So?", Random Guy replied. "What did you sayeth?!!", the Evil King yelled. "Two friends should be able to sit next to each other, right? It's the moral law", Random Guy talked back. "Erm... Random Guy?", Random Gal whispered, "What are you doing?" "I'm talking back to this guy. His rudeness isn't gonna ruin our friendship", Random Guy explained. "How dare-eth you defy me! And how dare-eth you speak of human tongue! You fooleth!", the Evil King shouted in rage. "The only fool...eth here is YOU!", Random Guy climbed on top of the table. "You can't tell us what to do. This is America! Who's with me?!" No one replied. "No one? No? Not even Kirby the little mouse..." "Foolest boyeth! You and your friend shall pay dearlyeth for your trangressions!", the Evil King threatened. "Uh... Random Guy, we'd better run", Random Gal advised. "Ha! Please. What can a guy on a screen thingy do to us?", Random Guy said fearlessly. Chapter 6: This is Random Guy Running For His Life Suddenly, the doors to the cafeteria kitchen opened. You won't believe who came out... Seriously, you won't... The Evil King came out! Yeah, that came as quite a shock to you, didn't it? It came to me as a shock too when I first wrote the draft for this story. "So-eth! You thought you could escape me, didn't ya-eth?!", the Evil King asked. "Erm... why, yes. Yes we did", Random Guy confessed. "Well, it is not so! Sic-eth 'em, boys!", the Evil King commanded. Suddenly, a whole bunch of henchmen came bursting out of NOWHERE with shocky ray-like thingies in their hands! "Random Guy, I think it's time to... run!", Random Gal yelled. Random Guy and Random Gal made a mad dash for the exit. "Stop them!!!... eth!", the Evil King ordered. The henchmen went after the two friends. Chapter 7: This is Random Guy Making a Getaway with a Random Car Outside, Random Guy spotted a car on the curb, that had the door wide open. He and Random Gal ran over to it. "Hmm. This is a 'Random'-brand vehicle", Random Gal noted. "And the keys are inside! We can make a fashionable escape!", Random Guy said joyously. He and Random Gal both put on sunglasses. (cool spy theme plays) They climbed in the car, and -- with Random Guy at the steering wheel -- made a quick getaway. Meanwhile, the henchmen got on their own motorcycles and chased the kids in hot persuit! "They're on our tail!", Random Gal screamed. "Don't worry - they won't hurt us", Random Guy assured. BOOM! One of the henchmen shot a missile at the car! "Whoa!!", Random Guy yelled. He swerved the car to the left, narrowly dodging the missile's wrath. Before he had a time to breathe though, the car was heading straight for a pond! But it was too late... the car crashed through the gate and sunk into the water. Chapter 8: This is Random Guy Fighting For His Life Underwater "This is not... good", Random Gal said. "That's a major understandment", Random Guy replied. "Well, at least we ---" As Random Gal said this, she unknowingly pressed that button that lowered the car window. When the window went down, a whole bunch of water came flooding in! Like a reflex, Random Guy kicked off the car door, held his breath, and swam over to the other side of the car. He picked up the unconscious Random Gal and attempted to swim with her up to the surface. When Random Guy nearly reached the surface, he felt a tap on his shoulder. When he turned around, he got punched in the face by one of the henchmen! Random Guy flew back and hit a rock. The henchmen sought forth to punch him again! Random Guy ducked and the henchmen's fist hit the rock. As the henchmen wailed in pain, Random Guy smacked him across the face! Random Guy tried to run... swam actually, but his leg was held back. By who? The henchmen, who else? You must not have a very active imagination. Random Guy kicked the henchmen away with his other foot. In a fit of rage, the henchmen threw a grenade at Random Guy. The grenade exploded, rocketing Random Guy and the still-unconscious Random Gal into the sky for airial combat (that is, combat in the air)! Chapter 9: This is Random Guy Doing Airial Combat Random Guy was airborn as numerous henchmen in hovering vehicles surrounding him! "Hey, guys... any of you want to have a go at a game of cards?", Random Guy suggested. The henchmen started shooting at him! Random Guy began to fall through the air, dodging the shots, then grabbed for the handle of one of the henchmen's hovering vehicle-type-stuff-cheese things. Random Guy pulled himself and punched the window in the door! He then climbed in and punched the pilot in the driver's seat! "Heh heh, loser", Random Guy muttered, sitting in the seat and driving the vehicle! "Whoa!" The vehicle began to spin uncontrollably! "Aaaah!", Random Guy yelled, pressing random buttons. These random buttons being pressed caused numerous missiles and torpedoes to shoot out and blow up other hovering vehicles! "Mommy!", he cried. Suddenly, the driver woke up from his unconsciousness and put Random Guy in a headlock! "Aak!" The driver dragged Random Guy over to the door, kicked it open, and threw him off! "Waaah!" With Random Guy finished off, or so it seemed, the driver went back to the seat and continued to drive the vehicle. However, other hovering vehicle drivers thought that Random Guy was still driving the vehicle, and shoot missiles at him! "Snork flop!", the driver screamed as the missiles hit the vehicle and it exploded! Meanwhile, Random Guy was holding onto the door handle of the sole remaining hovering vehicle, which was, as you guessed, the one that shot the missiles at the vehicle which Random Guy has previously commandeered. Random Guy climbed into the vehicle and slowly crept towards the driver of THIS vehicle. At the last second, this driver grabbed Random Guy by the neck! "You... you snorp figgle beep-blorp snok tee bee morpho mop!", this driver insulted. "Nice choice of words", Random Guy replied, "Hey, you notice that you left the vehicle unattended." "Huh?", this driver muttered, looking back at the steering wheel. Random Guy took this moment to pinch this driver in the neck! "Dohhhhpe!!!", this driver groaned, letting go of Random Guy and falling to the ground. Random Guy rushed to the seat and carefully drove the vehicle downward. He had defeated the henchmen, now he had to rescue Random Gal from the waters below! Chapter 10: This is Random Guy Saving Random Gal From the Waters Below (Hey, where have I heard that quote before?) Random Guy drove the vehicle to the waters and glanced around. "Ah ha!", he spotted Random Gal. He put the vehicle on "stationary", and dove into the waters. Random Guy grabbed Random Gal and swam up with her to the surface. He then jumped into the vehicle and pulled her up. Random Gal lay on the vehicle floor, lifeless. "Random Gal! Random Gal, you okay? Random Gal...?", Random Guy asked. Nothing. "Come on, Random Gal. We're safe now. You can wake up", Random Guy said. Nothing. "Random Gal. Y'you okay...?", he asked. Nothing. "Random Gal! Random Gal, get up! Random Gal, please!", Random Guy pleaded, shaking her. Nothing. "Random Gal... please... Don't tell me this is the end... please...", Random Guy cried. Nothing. "No..." Still nothing. "Sniff... this can't get any worse...", he sobbed. Suddenly, the henchmen in the waters from a couple of chapters ago and this driver arrived on the scene and surrounded the two! "Yes... yes, it can", the HitW replied. This driver punched his fists together. Random Guy crawled backwards in fear, Random Gal dead in his arms. He crawled back into a corner, where the HitW and this driver were closing in on him. It was all over. Chapter 11: This is Random Guy Being Killed It was all over... "BA-CAWK!" Huh? What...? "BA-CAWK!" Random Guy opened his eyes. The HitW and this driver were bewildered. "What was...?" "BA-CAWK!" Random Guy looked at Random Gal, who was shouted, "BA-CAWK!" "Er, Random Gal, are you oh--?" "BAWK! BA-CAWK! BAWK, BAWK! FRANK! BAWK! BA-CAWK! BAWK, BAWK! FRANK! *chatters teeth* FRANK! BAWK! BA-CAWK! BAWK! FRANK!!!", she shouted, randomly. Random Gal reached up and removed her head to reveal... a chicken's ''head?! O.o! "What the heck is going on here?", Random Guy asked. Suddenly, the chicken walked out of the Random Gal costume and traversed the vehicle. "BAWK! BA-CAWK! BAWK! FRANK! BAWK! BA-BAWK! CAWK! ''FRANK!", it went. "So you mean to tell me all this time my best friend was a chicken?!", Random Guy yelled in disgust. "Not so!", a female voice replied. "Eh?" A girl dropped from the ceiling, grabbed the HitW and this driver and tossed them out the door! "Waaah!", they shouted as they landed in the water and drowned, never to be seen again. Who was this girl, you ask? This girl... was Taylor Swift. Yep, it's true. Taylor Swift is in this story. What, you don't believe me? Come on, she's right over here! You were in my story, right Swift? Taylor Swift: Ew! Get away from me, you dork! *smacks Narrator with purse* Ugh... *rubs bruise*... Okay, so it wasn't Taylor Swift. It was Random Gal, happy? "Random Gal! You're alive!", Random Guy said, joyously. "Yep. Can't keep a good girl down", she replied. "Guess so. But what's with the chicken?", Random Guy asked. Random Gal glanced at the chicken next to her. "You know what? ... I don't really know." Chapter 12: This is Random Guy Going to the Evil King's Lair